"You knew that man wasn't creative when you married him..."
I was listening to the radio yesterday and a DJ was talking about how women are always saying, "Just be creative, just be creative you don't have spend a lot of money." He then went on to say, "Some men can write poems, some men can do creative things, but some guys just aren't wired that way. They may be a great loving man that takes care of business, but he just isn't creative. You knew he wasn't creative when you married him, why do you expect him to be on Valentine's Day?"
This is a really good point. In relationships, even though we are told over and over that it won't happen, we still think we can change our mate. We will go into relationships thinking "Well, I like a,b,c, and d, about this person, but I could sure do without e, f, and g." the problem is that people are a package deal, you can't pick and choose what you want, you have to take the whole thing and learn to love them inspite of their imperfections.
So don't go into a relationship if you know from the beginning there are a few things about a person that are definite deal breakers. Big lists of deal breakers are weird and unnecessary, but for me a deal breaker would be dating a girl who is a Satanist. I mean, we just wouldn't connect. She could be a great girl with loads of personality, but Satanism is a deal breaker for me and I wouldn't expect her to change.
So this Valentine's Day, just love the one your with without expectations.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Labels: Relationships, Valentines
posted by Eddo @ Wednesday, February 14, 2007
9 Comments:
Funny how Satanism can be such a deal breaker.
Classic.
Happy V day, and a toast to no Compromises.
loving without expectations, so hard to do and yet when you can you realize that you are really loving
Why do we, as humans (both men and women are guilty of doing it!), try to change others? Is it our need to "play God?"
You have such great insight when it comes to relationships. I do think when it comes to Valentines day and romance, women just want to be pursued, and when men make the effort to do something special for them, it makes them feel secure in their relationship,(and beautiful, wanted, etc.). The more unique the gesture/gift, the more special/valued it makes a woman feel. With that being said, You are very right on this subject. As much as women desire to be told there is no other woman out there quite like them (through some creative gesture from their valentine), it isn't fair to expect a man to change just because that's how the woman wants them (or thinks they should) be. While we can positively influence each other, it's God's job to change and grow all of us, and I've learned from experience, He is much better at it than I am! P.S. You really should start your own relationship advice column. I can see women from all over the country writing in to "Dear Eddo."
;)
I hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day, I know I did. I went to Benihana with some friends.
Real Life in South Carolina, thanks for the compliments and the feedback. However, I feel like one of those people that knows all the right things to do, but rarely has the opportunity to put them into practice. But you know what they say, "Those that can't, teach". That is me. I also liked that point you made about it being God's job to change and grow us... you are right on.
By the way, how did you find this site?
I think that part of loving someone is learning what communicates love and connection to that person. A lot of times, when a woman says, "Just be creative," what she's really saying is, "You (should) know me. Show me you've been listening. Show me you know what I (personally) like/want/think is fun/think is special." Does this take work and effort? Yes. But love takes work.
Eddo, I know what you mean about knowing a lot of theory and not getting a lot of, shall we say, "practice". But in good time. I always tell people that they'll need to "preach these sermons" back at me someday... :)
Totally agree. Of course, some people are lucky enough to marry women without imperfections...
(tell Amber I said that, right?)
I read your post and couldn't help thinking (for whatever reason) about the Suncom commercial that was out before Valentines Day. It showed some guy hand making a Valentine, taking it in person to his "girl" who looked at it and smiled but when it didn't contain a big gift or money or a suncom phone she slammed the door in his face. What a female jerk (even if the guy was a bit dorky). Love can be fun, funny or Yuuck, but as you say, you should look for the deal breakers in advance. (We make fifty a year from November).
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